he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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