saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
