Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
