At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
