i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
