I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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