Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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