yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
