Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I need a hoe opinion
go on
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
