Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
