took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
