shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
