guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
This is my life. Enjoy the view
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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