Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
