I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
