I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
