My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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