well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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