Taylor Swift is so right about you.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
