my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Randomize
