Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
