Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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