just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
