it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
