it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
soo... how was my night?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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