Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
