Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
