a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize