I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
