wake up i wanna do it froggy style
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
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