Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
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All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
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Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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