where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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