ugly people sure do ruin things
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
