i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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