There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize