and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
