I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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