i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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