i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
