Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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