We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
My dick has a subreddit
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
