I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
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