Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
