spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
