I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
