I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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