I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
