and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
