and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
