Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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