So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
