I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
