I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
