I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
