I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
