do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
In America we eat man semen.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
