He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
