is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
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