Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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