Grow some girl-balls and come out already
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i was born a porn star she said
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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