There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
