In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
