she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
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First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
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Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
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