Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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