I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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