im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
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I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
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I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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