i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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