I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
