Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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