That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
handjob tips. give me some.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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