Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
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