Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
