I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
