In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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