my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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